I had occasion to call Rogers to get a replacement outdoor modem on July 6th. This is the email I sent to them. Composed while I was on various types of HOLD.
Dear Rogers Internet Service Department:
I called today to get an outdoor modem on [July 6]. Mine was burned out because of an electrical storm.
Firstly
there was not an option for this off the top menu. Then I went through
three separate people, none of whom could help me and so I was
transferred and had to wait again, one time being sent to the business
centre for no apparent reason. I am actually still on the phone as I
write this .......going on 45 minutes. Generally you guys are pretty good;
today you really screwed the pooch.
I tried to find an outdoor modem on your website but could not.
Wait the sales guy just came on and said he wasn't allowed to sell me a new modem and transferred me to tech support and said to ask for a replacement.
The tech guy just told me that he couldn’t order a replacement that was the sales department’s job. He's gone to talk to a supervisor.
Does this feel like a Monty Python skit to anyone yet?
BTW - I am now into 50+ minutes and my 5th agent!
Okay. I just got transferred to the Portable Internet department - you would have thought that this would have happened before. When I told the agent I was almost an hour into the call she blamed your systems being wonky today.
Still holding, in case you're interested.......................................................................
(fyi - I bill out at $180 an hour as a marketing consultant - it would be nice if you deducted this from my bill.)
Still holding......... 65 minutes....
Oh - she came back on the line and said she is still trying to order the part for me - is there a secret process for ordering off the shelf parts? Please let me know so I can educate the agent should I ever call again.
My cell number is 902 471 9232. I offer this because I am bored and can't think of anything else to write...............................................
Suggestion: change your voice operated system to one that offers choice whereby one presses a number for the particular service and then gets immediately to the right department. This stating your problem verbally does not work...
69 minutes......................
Do you know the number for Bell Aliant?
Just
got switched back to tech support for some reason. And he actually
stated that he did not know why I would be switched to him. So back on
hold ...75 minutes ... He verified that my warranty was up on the one
I had. I never mentioned warranty. I just want a new modem.
Now I’m being transferred back to customer service - where I started I think but it's all a bit fuzzy.
Don't have a cold beer there do you, I'm also thirsty.
Oh, just an observation - your 'on ignore' music is way too loud. On the bright side I have the entire reel memorized and now can hum along.
Is there and 'On Hold' contest because I want to be entered?
Now I’m told that customer service is going to see if it's possible to add a modem to my account, without creating a new account - huh? It's a spare part.
If my cell phone breaks, do you need to set up a new account to get me a new phone?
If my Rogers cable box goes out do you need to set up a new account to get me another?
Oh, agent just came back on - they are running a simulation to see if they can get me a modem. I hope I don't end up with a simulated modem - it's sort of what I have now.
82 minutes........
Stop apologizing and get my modem sent please. (Sorry, thinking out loud.)
Oh and sorry for the upper case - the caps lock was on so I didn't change it except for that one time and then hit it again.
(Blog Note: I changed from UC for the benefit of you, the reader.)
Agent just came back on
- she (I think this is my 9th agent) said she was trying to find out
how to send me the part. I suggested she call the warehouse and have
one couriered and then charge it to my account but apparently that is
not possible - too logical I guess.
Background music is gone - I presume the machine broke and someone is called the music machine people to get a new one and is likely on hold. I'm told you can't get a new music machine without getting a new account.
Wait - I just got transferred back to tech support who are telling me they don't know why customer service can't help. But this agent is going to 'tier 2' support - sounds impressive. Maybe now I’ll get some answers. Got to love those tier 2 guys....
90 minutes - a new record. What's my prize?
I have Eastlink on hold on line two - not for any reason I just want to get back at someone.
La, la, la......
Is there a limit to the length of these emails?
By the way at each transfer I was asked for the same information - "for security purposes".
Music is back on - probably just had to rewind the CD.
Back to customer service and lo and behold she is actually doing the order. This girl must own the company to have such power. Waiting, chewing my nails, will it really happen? The suspense is killing me.
She's humming a happy tune - is that to calm me or to cover up the fact that I may have to be transferred again?
She asking that I bear with her due to system issues??????
101 minutes and holding.....
She's having problems. Wait I think that the Internet just became obsolete so I may not need the modem. I knew it was just a fad. But everyone is working so hard I’ll hang in so the agents will feel needed...
If someone sends me the names of the 12 or so people I’ve spoken to I’ll invite them to my Facebook page. We've come to know each other so well.
Weird clicking and clacking noises coming over the line - sounds like the agent is pounding the keyboard out of frustration herself. Good to know I have company.
Need another beer.
Must make an appointment with the chiropractor to help alleviate this weird pain in my shoulder and ear.
Giving her the address now, looks like it's going through. God I’m so excited - no. The system won't accept it for 'some' reason. (Maybe it wants to give me a new account) so she's gone to see her supervisor to get an override - is this Wal-Mart?
My co-workers think I’m having an affair - 1 hour 53 minutes. Do I get a plaque or trophy?
No music - thank you. My ear hurts - does Rogers sell headsets? I'll call customer service to find out.
My mother used to put me on hold and I went through 6 years of therapy to get over it. Looks like I’ll be back in.
[2 hours - that's $360 in lost billable hours for a $249 modem - hardly seems fair.]
I think I’ll post this letter to my blog - might be worth a chuckle to someone.
She’s baaaaaaack and the order is gone through. Now we'll wait and see.
Thanks for your attention.
I am hanging up now.
Frank